I found this video about a woman about who talks about ‘crazy love’. I have shared it here but I couldn’t watch beyond a little more than half of it. I reminded me of a time many years ago when my husband choked me by squeezing my neck. After he did it the second time, I told him off so badly that he vowed never to do it again. As far as the choking goes, he never repeated it. But, recently he told me that he gets so mad at me sometimes and because he can’t choke me or anything, I don’t realize what a tight leash he keeps on his anger. That explains his emotional abuse completely, Physically though he has pushed my hand so badly that I couldn’t prevent him from hurting my daughter. I wish I had realized sooner that she was a soft target for him.
She had started feeling guilty for doing so badly that her papa needed to hurt her. Imagine a six year needing to justify her father’s barbaric behavior.
I am glad to be out of the day to day cycle of abuse. Right now it is the period of calm. My husband has stopped the violent screaming and the blaming and is apologetic. But, I now recognize the pattern and know that the only true way to protect my daughter is to make sure that it is legal and binding.